Don't Have a Heart Attack-- I'm Blogging.

So this his been a crazy year for us; I've never said this before, but I'm not going to be sorry to see 2010 go. First, I broke my ankle and had surgery January 6 (after just changing to a high-deductible healthplan, so we had THAT going for us), and was off my feet for a couple of months. During that time, our beloved Elwood died; we'd had him for twelve years, since he was six weeks old.

I finally regained my mobility just as Madeline broke her wrist, though it wasn't bad and she didn't even need a cast. We had an uneventful summer, and I was able to spend it at home with the kids, which was really nice. It flew by, though, and just as summer ended, Jon took a position on a special project at work that required him to travel nearly 100%. We had thought, when he signed on, that he'd be travelling, maybe, 50%. Instead, he went to Chicago every Monday (sometimes Sunday night) and came home on Friday (or, toward the end of the year, Thursday). It was hard at first, but all of us adjusted pretty well and got into a routine.

I took a part time job at Lakeshore Learning Store, which I really enjoyed, but I discovered that my body's not used to retail anymore. After a few hours on the floor, I'd be limping with pain in my right knee (right knee? what the heck?). After a couple of months, they laid me off (but no one told me-- I just found I was no longer on the schedule). Nice. It was just as well, though, as I'm not sure my knee could have held up.

Jon and I made a somewhat impulsive decision to take the whole family to Chicago for his last week there, right before Halloween; after that the plan was that the people on the project would be travelling to various sites through the new year. We had a GREAT time in Chicago; Jon had Monday morning, Thursday afternoon, and Friday and Saturday to spend with us, and the rest of the time we took cabs and busses around the city to see the sights.

While Jon was on the project, his "real" job was eliminated, but he continued working on the project and all was well. Then things started to look a little shaky-- the leads of the project hedged about what was next, no one really knew what to expect, and then Jon got laid off, effective December 31. The company's being quite generous, actually, essentially keeping him on through the end of the year, providing full bonus and a severance package. There was some possibility that the project would go forward and he would work on that, but no one seems able to pull the trigger, so we're looking at unemployment as of New Year's Day.

Jon's having some success on the job hunt front (oops, that rhymed), though, and things are generally looking okay. Still, after this year, I'm thinking we're due for a humdinger of a great year in 2011!

iPhone Neurosis

I'd like to propose a new diagnosis for the DSM 5: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-- iPhone Neurosis. Characterized by an unreasonable fear of battery failure, symptoms of the disorder include frantic searching for electrical outlets in public places such as airports and cafes; refusal to answer certain calls in order to reserve battery life for more-desired activities (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, games); obsessive battery meter watching (Ack! I'm down to 22%! I have to get home NOW!); and the organization of one's daily activities around battery charging opportunities. Some sufferers also withdraw from loved ones ("Not now-- I'm about to beat my high score on Fruit Ninja!").

There is no known cure, but family members have been known to attempt treatment by throwing the phone into lakes, oceans, or other bodies of water.

The Boy Is Nine

We began the day with the traditional ice cream cake (he chose Oreo), and a few presents. His secondary obsession these days (after LEGO) is Bakugan, and he got a Battle Pack--very exciting. I don't have photos at the moment, but there are plenty of photo ops ahead: dinner at California Pizza kitchen with family to celebrate both Baxter and Sophie later inthe week, then a party at the LEGO store (again).

It's good to be nine.

In other news, I drove today for the first time in a month and a half. I took myself to PT, am relaxing in a neighboring cafe, and I'll pick up the kids in a little while. Ah, independence, I've missed you so!

The Family's Holding Up

I wrote that last post while Jon was still gone, taking Elwood to the vet, so it's a little more raw than it would have been the next morning, but there you go. As for the adjustment, the kids are holding up really well. Having grieved that afternoon, while they could still pet him and talk to him, really helped. We all keep having those moments-- Madeline dropped food on the floor and was just about to call Elwood to eat it when I said, "You know we have to pick that up now"... Jon threw leftover crumbs into his bowl... Baxter called him when someone rang the doorbell, intending to let him out before he could bark. Mostly, though, it's just a little calmer and quieter, and a shade sadder, chez Seckinsteinbaugh these days.

In other news, I have started physical therapy, and my foot is quickly returning to a more normal state. Not normal, mind you-- my foot's still swollen, and my toes look weirdly fat. But I also got gel-lined booties at Bath and Body Works (more on the mall outing in a minute), and those have really helped with the horrific dryness-and-dead-skin situation. I will spare you before-and-after photos of my feet and will instead show you the booties in question:

So, the mall... many of you know that I NEVER go to the mall. It is amazing, however, what one is willing--nay, eager-- to endure after being trapped at home for a month. First we went to the movies, and sent the kids into a different movie for the first time ever. They saw Tooth Fairy (please, poke my eyes out with a stick), and we saw Up In The Air. Excellent movie, and excellent idea. They behaved well, and the only extra bit it cost us was two large popcorns instead of one. And Jon & I didn't have to see Tooth Fairy: win-win.

After that, we weren't (read: I wasn't) ready to go home, so we drove to Park Meadows and they rolled me around in the wheelchair. We scored a new mitt for Baxter, and the aforementioned booties, then we ate at Grand Lux Cafe. I have to say, I hate Cheesecake Factory (which owns Grand Lux), but I liked this place a lot. They have a kids' menu (though it's not printed-- super secret, apparently), they give the kids Wiki Stix to play with, and the Molten Lava cake is delicious. Oh, and our entrees were great, too. A successful outing.

Then I slept upstairs for the first time since New Year's Day. It's the little things. really.

RIP, Elwood

Damn my stupid f***ing broken leg, and Jon's busy schedule this week, and hemangiosarcoma.

Jon just got back from a late work meeting, changed clothes, and turned around to take Elwood to the emergency vet to have him put down. Since yesterday Elwod had been having more and more trouble breathing, until ultimately it was a wheezy, fast pant. He was eating anything he could get until about an hour ago, when he refused treats. Finally, he threw up everything he'd eaten in the last few hours (which, it turns out, was a lot), and went out into the yard and wouldn't come back in. Those last two things were the hallmarks of the last time his pericardium filled with blood, so we knew the end was near. And he was suffering, poor thing.

It will be hard when the kids wake up to find him gone, but they cried over him tonight, petting him and loving him, knowing he wouldn't be here much longer. Referring to the day we spent at the vet seven weeks ago, not sure we'd get to bring him home, Madeline wailed, "I can't spend another Saturday like that! I just can't!"

So, as hard as it was to send him away with Jon, without being able to go along, I know this will be easier on the kids in the long run, and on Elwood. He got up and came in from the yard when I jingled his leash, as if he understood that going to the vet would relieve his pain.

The two things I really wanted were for him to go to our beloved vet, Dr. Graf, who helped Boomie so much (and relieved her suffering when the time came), and to get a pawprint in clay like Dr. Graf made for Boomer. Niether is worth Elwood suffering longer, though, so off he went.

If only I didn't have this stupid boot on, if I could walk on two feet, I'd go get photos of him as a tiny puppy and scan them to post here. I'll do that eventually, and put another chapter in my RIP Boomer book for him. I was telling him (just before he vomited copiously on the carpet) that I'd never had another pet from birth to death before, that I remember the night we brought him home, how Boomer was not especially happy to have him at first... How, when Jon would get up early to take a shower, Elwood would cry pitifully until he came back, keeping me and Boomie awake, until eventually Jon just started taking Elwood-- tiny, tiny Elwood-- into the bathroom with him. How, when Jon got out of the shower, Elwood would lick all the water off his feet and legs... How Boomer would play with him, corner him under the dining room chairs, roll him over and put his whole belly in her mouth... We have some great photos, including one where it looks like she's tickling him, and he's on his back, laughing.

We love you, Woodman, we'll miss you, but we are glad you don't have to suffer anymore.

Next Step Taken

Well, figurative step, anyway. Not so much a real step; I'm still off my feet for "21 hours a day," and I still can't bear any weight on it. Oy.

Today the doctor took off the splint and took out the sutures. He was quite pleased with his work, and proclaimed it "beautiful." I'm not sure it qualifies as beautiful, but it's a little closer to being healed, and I'm excited about that. Baxter's a little disappointed that the hardware is stainless, which means he can't open his Bakugan on my leg.

Here's what the "after" x-ray looks like:

The best news of all is that I can sleep without the "boot" on, making it possible to sleep in my side again. Plus, I can take a shower, something eveyone in the family is excited about. Here's what the inside incision looks like, post-suture removal. Beautiful, right?

Jon hurt himself on Saturday, trying to clear our North-facing front walk of ice so I wouldn't slip with my crutches. This morning he saw a doctor, who reassured him it was not a torn bicep but a "partially" torn rotator cuff, which needs ice, Ibuprofen, and PT. So it looks like he and I will be having regular "dates" at the physical therapist. Romantic, right?

Soundtrack of My Life

I'm borrowing a very good idea from Houston, who catalogued some of the songs that transport her to a particular moment in her life.

Since I've been immobilized, I've finally loaded up my iPhone with songs from our moderately-sized but completely underused CD collection. (CDs! How quaint!) Looking at my playlist reminds me of lots of those moments, but I also noticed some things that are missing-- must rectify that.

The first song, the one that whisks me back like a bad special effect from a B movie, is "I Can't Make You Love Me," by Bonnie Raitt. Jon will hate to see this here, because to this day he claims that my attachment to this song is completely misguided. And, it turns out, I did somehow make him love me, for which I am unspeakably grateful, but at the time Bonnie perfectly captured my feelings about losing him (more than once!) during our breakup/reconcile/breakup period in 1991-1992.

A better song for our relationship, though, would be from the When Harry Met Sally Soundtrack: "It Had To Be You." I was listening to that album a lot when Jon and I first met (where is that CD, anyway?), and I still think of it as "our song." If we'd had dancing at our wedding, it would have been our first dance, and the line that typifies why my relationship with Jon is different than any other I've ever had is in bold: "Some others I've seen, Might never be mean/ Might never be cross, Or try to be boss / But they wouldn't do / For nobody else, gave me a thrill / With all your faults, I Love you still / It had to be you, wonderful you / It had to be you." That was a revealation, the idea that you could -- and should! -- love someone for exactly who they are, including and not in spite of their faults. Thanks goodness I found the man I could do that with.

There's a Raffi album somewhere that is the soundtrack to Madeline's infancy. "Willoughby Wallaby Woo," "Five Green and Speckled Frogs," "Going To The Zoo," "I Wonder If I'm Growing," "Mr. Golden Sun..." How many times did I sing those songs to her? Good thing I don't owe royalties.


Sometimes music even reconnects you. When I was uploading Eric Clapton's "Crossroads" to iTunes, I was reminded of my first post-college boyfriend, who taped the whole set (five or six discs, I believe) from the radio and sent me a copy after I'd moved to Denver (complete with jokes at the ends of sides that had a minute or so left). I searched Facebook, found him, and now we're back in touch, thanks to Eric and his tunes.


What about less emotional memories? In 1986 had one of the first CD players around, thanks to my high school boyfriend who worked in the electronics store of our small town, where they couldn't unload them! I can't remember if it was the absolute first CD I bought, but it was in the first three or four: Dire Straights, Brothers In Arms. Wow, that was an ear-opener with headphones. Still love that album. Also among the first CDs I owned was Paul Simon's Graceland, one of the best albums ever recorded (and, given that "album" is quickly becoming an anachronism, it may always be). I listened to them both a million times in my dorm room at college.

Sometimes it's not just songs, it's artists you discover. I remember being blown away by Mary Chapin Carpenter when I saw her, with my mom, at a NOW convention in Boston, 1993. (Yes, my mom and I went to a National Organization for Women convention. I can't remember now exactly why, but we did.) I went out and bought "Come On Come On," and played it endlessly.

Now, with the whole iPod technology thing, maybe I should spend a little more time organizing my songs into playlists. I noticed it automatically made a "90s music" list for me, which is sweet but I'd rather have an 80s list and a 70s list, as that's where the bulk of my music resides. I could organize by significant person, too; that would be another walk down memory lane.

What's playing in your ear?

Boredom

When I was sailing through my easy pregnancies, I actually thought (especially for the second and third) that bed rest sounded lovely. Must stay still, can't run around and do things, big pile of books and a remote by my side...

Well, I'd like to retract that (even though I don't think I ever said it out loud). I am bored out of my noggin, and when I'm not bored I'm irritable because the children are loud and unruly and in my "bedroom" (I'm laid up in a bed we put in the family room so I don't have to climb stairs). I have On-Demand, TiVO, books from the library and more on hold, a stack of magazines, my phone and the laptop... And still, I'm bored. Oy.

There's no end in sight, either-- I am supposed to be flat on my back, ankle above my heart 23 hours a day, for another week and a half. I am fervently hoping that, after my trip to the doctor on the 20th to have my splint and sutures removed, I will be more mobile, but I don't know for sure.

So, if anyone would like to while away a few hours in my (invalid) company, please feel free to come by. Just call first so I can complete my time-consuming grooming routine first, and so I can tell you how to get in the house (because it takes me forever to make it to the front door).

Ouch.

The surgery was declared a success, though that apparently still includes a great deal of pain. Like, eyes roll back in your head (and not in a good way) pain. Argh. The doctor told Jon the first two days would be the worst. Let's hope that it's only two. Ouch.

Jon's home with me today, and then Barb's going to come hang with me tomorrow. I am all set up in the family room, with every need at arm's length (including a bottle of Dilaudid). I'm in a splint for another couple of weeks (so I'll be sending Jon to find one of these: www.castcoversnow.com), then for the next three or four weeks I'll just be in a boot, which means-- wait for it!-- I'll be able to take a shower before the end of the month.

Thanks to everyone for your good wishes. Anyone who'd like to drop by in the coming couple of weeks, I'd love the company!